After one year I think I have changed. I think I have lost the war. I thought I could win the battle. Now I think everything is different. The way I view things has changed. A bit more or less. I have lost most of my strength. My heart is still shattered in pieces.
I have a friend who lost himself last year. He was lucky. He found himself back.
Not my case. I did not just lose it, I destroyed it. Heh, the tribulations and tests ... It seems that I failed most of them. Slowly I tried to recover, but it seems it is failing.
At those times, I am hoping to have the same feeling when I was a student. But no more. The situation was not like before. I think it is me who is making it like this. I am the one who felt that friends are not helping much. I am the one who is creating distance from them. I am the one who choose all of those.
I am the one who made myself so weak. I am the one who wanted to sleep again. I am the one who gave up when all the plan failed.
Man, I screwed up myself. Some part of me still there, having the dreams that was felt in 2003. The dream of changing this world. The dream of 600 years. He is still taking care of me.
But now I need to work it out. I need to find those pieces of myself that I destroyed. I need to recreate myself. I must fight back!
Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is unknown. I only have today. Like those japanese people said : "Live your life to its fullest!". Like our prophet said "If you got a seed in your hand, and tomorrow is the end of the world, JUST PLANT IT!".
The war has not ended yet.
Ok. Kamal, please .... Don't give up yet.
I have a friend who lost himself last year. He was lucky. He found himself back.
Not my case. I did not just lose it, I destroyed it. Heh, the tribulations and tests ... It seems that I failed most of them. Slowly I tried to recover, but it seems it is failing.
At those times, I am hoping to have the same feeling when I was a student. But no more. The situation was not like before. I think it is me who is making it like this. I am the one who felt that friends are not helping much. I am the one who is creating distance from them. I am the one who choose all of those.
I am the one who made myself so weak. I am the one who wanted to sleep again. I am the one who gave up when all the plan failed.
Man, I screwed up myself. Some part of me still there, having the dreams that was felt in 2003. The dream of changing this world. The dream of 600 years. He is still taking care of me.
But now I need to work it out. I need to find those pieces of myself that I destroyed. I need to recreate myself. I must fight back!
Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is unknown. I only have today. Like those japanese people said : "Live your life to its fullest!". Like our prophet said "If you got a seed in your hand, and tomorrow is the end of the world, JUST PLANT IT!".
The war has not ended yet.
Ok. Kamal, please .... Don't give up yet.
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